Tag: #weightloss

Just 20 lbs……..

On By TerriIn About Me, Activity, Food, Mindset, UncategorizedLeave a comment

“Just 20 lbs, that’s all”

This was said to me by my doctor in 2006 after I had thrown my back out.  Just 20 lbs and my back would have less stress on it and feel better.  He was right.  Losing those 20 lbs helped.  But I didn’t stop with just 20 lbs.  I went on to lose 85 lbs, reaching my goal weight in January 2008.  I vowed then, that I would NEVER need to hear those words again.  I was NOT going back to daily pain in my back.  Not after finally finding freedom from the pain. 

And then, a couple of weeks ago another doctor said to me, “Just 20 lbs”.  There it was. Those words again…… Only this time, it wasn’t my back that prompted those words, it was my hip. 

I have had pain in my hip, at times so severe I can’t stand, walk or sleep.  So, I went to the orthopedic and heard those words again.  Weight gain affects so much more than my self-esteem and how I see myself, it also affects my health and my body.  My hip is not happy with this weight gain and no matter how many times I tell myself it is time to do something about it, I sabotage myself. 

Yes, I sabotage myself. 

16 years later, hearing those words again hit me hard.  I am NOT back where I once was (now needing to lose 35lbs not 85 lbs), but I am at a weight that is not healthy for me.  And healthy is far more important than how I look.  I have goals.  I want to participate in my granddaughter’s life, not watch.  I want to live to a very old age and enjoy my life, not spend it watching from the sidelines.  I want to hike and enjoy the outdoors.  I want to skip down main street at the Magic Kingdom in Disney World.  I want to go on walks with my husband, swim in the pool, shop, dance and so many other things that require my hip and my back to be healthy.

So, I am working on it.  Imperfectly.  But working on it.  I have started to make changes.  I am working to change my mindset.  I am sabotaging myself a little less each day (I am not perfect and still fight that sabotage, while acknowledging the wins along the way)

Just 20 lbs. and then more……

One-pound-at-a-time.

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I Got on the Scale

On By TerriIn Activity, Food, Uncategorized2 Comments

I got on the scale. 

I have not stepped on that darn metal box in over 2 weeks.

I knew it wasn’t going to be good.  My clothes are really tight and uncomfortable.  But…. I was not prepared for the number I saw.

How the hell did THAT number happen? 

I sat down and before I knew it, my cheeks were wet. Yes, the tears had come.  I was shocked, angry with myself and frustrated!

The thing is, I knew this was happening.  I just didn’t want to admit it. 

It is very easy to lie to myself.  All the things that work for me, that keep me healthy—eating fruits and veggies, tracking my food, cooking healthy meals, walking—I was doing those things. 

You see, we can tell ourselves we are doing all the right things.  We can track our food and it looks like we are doing really well- points and/or calories are where we need them to be.  Step counts on our tracking devices show we are getting those steps in.

But what all of that doesn’t tell us is how honest we are not being. 

Tracking food only works when I track EVERY bite, EVERY sip.  If I eat the chips, cookies, candy, donuts, cake, and a myriad of other snacks, and I don’t track them… well…. They still count.  NOT tracking food does NOT mean the food doesn’t count.  My daily points may show I am doing well, but the untracked foods, well they tell a different story. 

Eating those healthy meals are GREAT but when I eat them AFTER I am over-stuffed with salty and sweet snacks, those healthy foods really don’t do much to help me, instead they now become a part of a greater problem.  They become an illusion of healthiness, behind which the truth is hidden. 

Wearing my fitbit is awesome.  It keeps me aware of those steps.  Most days I hit my step goal.  And hitting that goal or going over is just another illusion.  How many of those steps were gained through walking and how many of those steps were gained by folding clothes or moving my arm back and forth during my normal day?  How many of those steps were actually from intentional exercise that got my heart rate moving?  Not many, I can tell you that.

It is very easy to hide behind the illusion of healthy eating and exercise.  And then look for “reasons” for the weight not coming off- there must be something wrong with my thyroid or other health issues going on or maybe it is a medication that is making me gain weight rather than lose, afterall, my trackers show I am doing well…..

BUT the scale doesn’t lie.  Clothes don’t lie.  Looking in the mirror tells the truth.  And blood work doesn’t lie.

This morning I finally faced the truth.  As tears flowed down my cheeks, I realized that I am the reason my weight is where it is.  No one forced me to eat those three donuts in one sitting, or the entire bag of chips.  No one forces me to eat peanut butter toast with butter, not one piece but three.  No one forces me to buy the chips, candy and cookies and no one forces me to eat them.

I am responsible for where I am.  It is time I accept that!  Time I do what I keep saying I am doing.  It is time to be honest, completely honest.  And time to make my trackers tell the WHOLE story. 

If I want to live to be 100, if I want to be healthy, if I want the pain in my joints to lessen, if I want to be a participant in my granddaughter’s life rather than a spectator, then I NEED to step up to the challenge.  I need to make me a priority.  I need to be honest.  I need to do the work necessary to get back to being the healthiest and best version of me I can be.

Stepping on the scale was the first step.

A healthy, fully tracked breakfast was the second step.

A 2 mile walk was the third step.

And writing this post was the fourth step. 

Today I am being honest with myself.  Finally!  I am making changes.  One day at a time!  One meal at a time!  One step at a time! 

I can and I will do this!  It just took getting back on that scale to get me going. 

Finding My “Tribe”

On By TerriIn Inspiration, Uncategorized1 Comment

Support is so important on this journey of losing weight and becoming the healthiest version we can be.  But I am not just talking about the support from our family and close friends, which is very important. 

I am talking about the support and the accountability that is found in a group.  A group of individuals who are all on a similar journey.  A group of individuals who “get it”.  They have been there.  They understand.  And there is NO judgement.

Finding that kind of group is priceless.  And if we are lucky enough to find a group where we can find support and understanding and accountability, where we can nod and think, “yes, I too have felt that way” or “yes, I have been there too”, then we really need to hold on to that group, cultivating relationships that will last.  Relationships built on shared experiences, and a shared journey.

That group experience is what drew me to Weight Watchers in the first place. 

And Weight Watchers is where I found a group like that in 2005 when I joined for the 5th time.  The members in that meeting were my “tribe”.  We celebrated together, lifted each other up when we were down, shared ideas, shared tips, shared our journeys.  We laughed together and sometimes cried together.  We were all on this weight loss journey, a similar journey, yet an individual journey, too.

That group helped me to reach so many aha’s…. those lightbulb moments.  That group and the leader helped me to believe in me and helped me to reach my goals. 

And then I had to leave. 

I have found other groups here and there in the many places I have lived over the years.  And as a coach for WW, I met many individuals who inspired me to continue to work on being the best version of me that I could be.  I found people I connected with in those groups I lead.  They were a part of my tribe, but leading was not the same as being a member, a part of the group where we all shared our struggles, challenges and successes. For 12 years I have struggled to find my “tribe”, that group where I could just be a member, contributing and connecting with others, who are on this shared journey.

Until now.

2 months ago, a group of my friends and ladies I had met through WW workshops, and those who had become my walking partners and 5k partners, decided we all would like and needed more accountability and support. 

So, we started meeting every Monday night via zoom.  And we met in person, once a month.  This has become MY tribe.  The tribe I had been missing.  The tribe that is helping me reach the goals I am setting for myself.  When I am struggling, they “get it”.  They just “get it”.   NO judgement. 

Oh, how I have needed this.

These ladies inspire me so much!  We support each other throughout the week and check in to see how we are all doing with the commitments we make to each other.  We discuss topics that are of interest to us, our challenges and our successes.  We celebrate each others success and we understand each persons challenges.  We ALL “get it”!  We are friends.  We are a tribe!

Yes, I have needed this.

Our group has grown a little and each new face is welcomed as if they are an old friend.  THAT is what a tribe is like.  THAT is what I have been looking for.  And THAT is what I have found with these ladies, my friends. 

Do you have a support group for your journey?  A group outside your family?  Maybe you found your tribe in a WW Workshop?  Or through another friend who attends a group? 

This journey is HARD!  Really HARD!  But doing this journey with a tribe of others who are also somewhere on that same journey, well, it makes it just a little bit easier.  

My tribe has made this perfectly imperfect journey easier for me!  And that makes it perfect for me!

Accountability and Commitment–Making me a Priority!

On By TerriIn About Me, Inspiration, Mindset2 Comments

A few days ago, I wrote about excuses and that it really comes down to making me a priority.  Since writing that, I have been mindful of making me a priority.  I have been more aware of my thoughts.  And I have been more purposeful in my choices, choosing me as a priority.  It is not pretty or perfect, but I am working on it. 

I have been, still am and will always be a work in progress.

This morning I took a step that made me a priority.  And in the process I found accountability beyond myself and commitment to myself.

I went to a WW Workshop.  And?  What is different about that?  Haven’t I always gone to workshops? 

Well, yes, I have gone to workshops.  I lost my original weight going sitting in those chairs.  I continued to go to workshops even when I worked for Weight Watchers as a Coach…..most of the time, anyway.  And once I quit working as a Coach, I continued going to workshops.  But I didn’t go regularly.  I didn’t want to pay…..

And when I did go, I did not step on the scale.  I didn’t want to see the number written down, though I already knew what the number would be, because I weigh myself at home.  I also didn’t step on the scale because I would be weighing in front of former co-workers, some friends of mine.  I didn’t want them to know how much I was struggling (as if they couldn’t tell by the clothes I wore or the way I looked….).  Excuses.  Excuses.  Excuses!

This morning I had planned to go to the workshop because someone I know was going to reach Lifetime and I wanted to celebrate with him and his wife.  Before yesterday afternoon, I had no plans to step on the scale.  I was just going as support for someone else and this wasn’t about me and my struggles. (yes, more excuses)

And then last night I thought about how I can move forward making me a priority.  And it hit me that workshops are important for me and my goals.  I had been making so many excuses all these months for not going to workshops for me and instead only going as a support for others therefore I did not need to step on the scale.  I was not making me a priority!  I was missing out on a tool that works for me.  A tool that keeps me accountable.  A tool that provides the support I need.

So, I made the decision that when I got up this morning I would go to the workshop and I would pay.  Not just pay for this one workshop, but I would purchase the three-month pass for three months of weekly workshops.  That would be my commitment to me.  Finally!  Commitment to making myself a priority.  No more excuses! 

I was still on the fence about weighing on the scale in front of former co-workers.  I didn’t want them to know.  I didn’t want my weight submitted so that my former bosses could see.  I just wanted to be anonymous.  I wanted to keep it a secret.  But NOT STEPPING ON THE SCALE does not work for me!  I need the accountability.  So, I told myself to suck-it-up buttercup and get on the scale at the workshop regardless of who would see the number.

And I did.  I stepped on the scale.  I hated the number I saw.  I hate that I am not the only one who saw that number.  And you know what, that means that I cannot hide any longer.  I cannot deny any longer.  It is so easy to push the reality deep inside the back of my mind where I don’t think about it, if no one else sees the number.  This morning I went back to what works for me because what I had been doing for a year now, wasn’t.  And the accountability was real.  No denying now.  No hiding behind oversized jackets now.  No excuses! This is real!  This is my journey.  This is me making myself and my health a priority!

At the workshop this morning I found another form of accountability beyond the scale.  I said out loud, in answer to someone else, that I was committed to being there and to myself.  I said I would be there every week.  And then the Coach looked around the room at everyone else and said that they heard me and now were going to hold me accountable to be there and the room all said they would. 

CRAP!  What did I just do??  Now I had to be there every week because they were expecting me to be. 

Good move, Coach! 

When I was a coach, I often said that saying something out loud in the workshop gave everyone accountability, to themselves and to the group.  And now here I was, at the receiving end of that accountability.  THAT is just one of the many reasons that Workshops work for me!

I am listening to me now.  I am making me a priority.  And I am creating accountability beyond just myself.  Because, honestly, accountability just with me, doesn’t work for me.  It is too easy to excuse it away, to hide and to deny.

Next week I will step on the scale again and it will show a loss.  Why?  Because I am making me a priority on this perfectly, imperfect journey!