A few days ago, I wrote about excuses and that it really comes down to making me a priority. Since writing that, I have been mindful of making me a priority. I have been more aware of my thoughts. And I have been more purposeful in my choices, choosing me as a priority. It is not pretty or perfect, but I am working on it.
I have been, still am and will always be a work in progress.
This morning I took a step that made me a priority. And in the process I found accountability beyond myself and commitment to myself.
I went to a WW Workshop. And? What is different about that? Haven’t I always gone to workshops?
Well, yes, I have gone to workshops. I lost my original weight going sitting in those chairs. I continued to go to workshops even when I worked for Weight Watchers as a Coach…..most of the time, anyway. And once I quit working as a Coach, I continued going to workshops. But I didn’t go regularly. I didn’t want to pay…..
And when I did go, I did not step on the scale. I didn’t want to see the number written down, though I already knew what the number would be, because I weigh myself at home. I also didn’t step on the scale because I would be weighing in front of former co-workers, some friends of mine. I didn’t want them to know how much I was struggling (as if they couldn’t tell by the clothes I wore or the way I looked….). Excuses. Excuses. Excuses!
This morning I had planned to go to the workshop because someone I know was going to reach Lifetime and I wanted to celebrate with him and his wife. Before yesterday afternoon, I had no plans to step on the scale. I was just going as support for someone else and this wasn’t about me and my struggles. (yes, more excuses)
And then last night I thought about how I can move forward making me a priority. And it hit me that workshops are important for me and my goals. I had been making so many excuses all these months for not going to workshops for me and instead only going as a support for others therefore I did not need to step on the scale. I was not making me a priority! I was missing out on a tool that works for me. A tool that keeps me accountable. A tool that provides the support I need.
So, I made the decision that when I got up this morning I would go to the workshop and I would pay. Not just pay for this one workshop, but I would purchase the three-month pass for three months of weekly workshops. That would be my commitment to me. Finally! Commitment to making myself a priority. No more excuses!
I was still on the fence about weighing on the scale in front of former co-workers. I didn’t want them to know. I didn’t want my weight submitted so that my former bosses could see. I just wanted to be anonymous. I wanted to keep it a secret. But NOT STEPPING ON THE SCALE does not work for me! I need the accountability. So, I told myself to suck-it-up buttercup and get on the scale at the workshop regardless of who would see the number.
And I did. I stepped on the scale. I hated the number I saw. I hate that I am not the only one who saw that number. And you know what, that means that I cannot hide any longer. I cannot deny any longer. It is so easy to push the reality deep inside the back of my mind where I don’t think about it, if no one else sees the number. This morning I went back to what works for me because what I had been doing for a year now, wasn’t. And the accountability was real. No denying now. No hiding behind oversized jackets now. No excuses! This is real! This is my journey. This is me making myself and my health a priority!
At the workshop this morning I found another form of accountability beyond the scale. I said out loud, in answer to someone else, that I was committed to being there and to myself. I said I would be there every week. And then the Coach looked around the room at everyone else and said that they heard me and now were going to hold me accountable to be there and the room all said they would.
CRAP! What did I just do?? Now I had to be there every week because they were expecting me to be.
Good move, Coach!
When I was a coach, I often said that saying something out loud in the workshop gave everyone accountability, to themselves and to the group. And now here I was, at the receiving end of that accountability. THAT is just one of the many reasons that Workshops work for me!
I am listening to me now. I am making me a priority. And I am creating accountability beyond just myself. Because, honestly, accountability just with me, doesn’t work for me. It is too easy to excuse it away, to hide and to deny.
Next week I will step on the scale again and it will show a loss. Why? Because I am making me a priority on this perfectly, imperfect journey!