Month: October 2019

Accountability and Commitment–Making me a Priority!

On By TerriIn About Me, Inspiration, Mindset2 Comments

A few days ago, I wrote about excuses and that it really comes down to making me a priority.  Since writing that, I have been mindful of making me a priority.  I have been more aware of my thoughts.  And I have been more purposeful in my choices, choosing me as a priority.  It is not pretty or perfect, but I am working on it. 

I have been, still am and will always be a work in progress.

This morning I took a step that made me a priority.  And in the process I found accountability beyond myself and commitment to myself.

I went to a WW Workshop.  And?  What is different about that?  Haven’t I always gone to workshops? 

Well, yes, I have gone to workshops.  I lost my original weight going sitting in those chairs.  I continued to go to workshops even when I worked for Weight Watchers as a Coach…..most of the time, anyway.  And once I quit working as a Coach, I continued going to workshops.  But I didn’t go regularly.  I didn’t want to pay…..

And when I did go, I did not step on the scale.  I didn’t want to see the number written down, though I already knew what the number would be, because I weigh myself at home.  I also didn’t step on the scale because I would be weighing in front of former co-workers, some friends of mine.  I didn’t want them to know how much I was struggling (as if they couldn’t tell by the clothes I wore or the way I looked….).  Excuses.  Excuses.  Excuses!

This morning I had planned to go to the workshop because someone I know was going to reach Lifetime and I wanted to celebrate with him and his wife.  Before yesterday afternoon, I had no plans to step on the scale.  I was just going as support for someone else and this wasn’t about me and my struggles. (yes, more excuses)

And then last night I thought about how I can move forward making me a priority.  And it hit me that workshops are important for me and my goals.  I had been making so many excuses all these months for not going to workshops for me and instead only going as a support for others therefore I did not need to step on the scale.  I was not making me a priority!  I was missing out on a tool that works for me.  A tool that keeps me accountable.  A tool that provides the support I need.

So, I made the decision that when I got up this morning I would go to the workshop and I would pay.  Not just pay for this one workshop, but I would purchase the three-month pass for three months of weekly workshops.  That would be my commitment to me.  Finally!  Commitment to making myself a priority.  No more excuses! 

I was still on the fence about weighing on the scale in front of former co-workers.  I didn’t want them to know.  I didn’t want my weight submitted so that my former bosses could see.  I just wanted to be anonymous.  I wanted to keep it a secret.  But NOT STEPPING ON THE SCALE does not work for me!  I need the accountability.  So, I told myself to suck-it-up buttercup and get on the scale at the workshop regardless of who would see the number.

And I did.  I stepped on the scale.  I hated the number I saw.  I hate that I am not the only one who saw that number.  And you know what, that means that I cannot hide any longer.  I cannot deny any longer.  It is so easy to push the reality deep inside the back of my mind where I don’t think about it, if no one else sees the number.  This morning I went back to what works for me because what I had been doing for a year now, wasn’t.  And the accountability was real.  No denying now.  No hiding behind oversized jackets now.  No excuses! This is real!  This is my journey.  This is me making myself and my health a priority!

At the workshop this morning I found another form of accountability beyond the scale.  I said out loud, in answer to someone else, that I was committed to being there and to myself.  I said I would be there every week.  And then the Coach looked around the room at everyone else and said that they heard me and now were going to hold me accountable to be there and the room all said they would. 

CRAP!  What did I just do??  Now I had to be there every week because they were expecting me to be. 

Good move, Coach! 

When I was a coach, I often said that saying something out loud in the workshop gave everyone accountability, to themselves and to the group.  And now here I was, at the receiving end of that accountability.  THAT is just one of the many reasons that Workshops work for me!

I am listening to me now.  I am making me a priority.  And I am creating accountability beyond just myself.  Because, honestly, accountability just with me, doesn’t work for me.  It is too easy to excuse it away, to hide and to deny.

Next week I will step on the scale again and it will show a loss.  Why?  Because I am making me a priority on this perfectly, imperfect journey!

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Halloween–Do Something Different!

On By TerriIn Food, MindsetLeave a comment

It is the end of October. 

Halloween is this week.

There are so many ways for me to sabotage myself during October.  But today I just want to talk about the challenges surrounding the holiday that kicks off the “Eating Season”—Halloween. 

Halloween can be a struggle for many of us.  Halloween IS a struggle for many of us.  The candy is everywhere!  And we buy candy to give out to Trick or Treaters.  The good candy.  The candy we like.  And we expect that we will be able to resist.  And then of course, there is the sales on candy after Halloween.  We are surrounded by candy….

And it is not like we can really avoid the Halloween candy in stores because they put it everywhere! 

Halloween for years was a struggle for me.  Before my 5th journey with Weight Watchers, I would buy candy the beginning of October.  The candy I liked getting as a kid.  The candy I still liked.  And the candy I still like.  I would buy the biggest bags so that I would have plenty to give the kids that would ring my doorbell in those cute costumes. 

And those big bags would be gone the first week of October, shortly after I bought them.  I don’t know how.  I only had a piece or two…… multiple times until the bag was gone.  Then my guilt would make me buy more because I couldn’t let my husband and sons know I had eaten ALL the candy.  (of course, they knew, but as long as I was in denial of their knowledge the guilt wasn’t quite as bad.) 

And then those next bags were gone before I knew it.  Seriously!?!  Surely they just didn’t put enough candy in the bags, that was why the candy all disappeared.  That was what I told myself, anyway.  Justifying my over-eating worked…… because it couldn’t be that I was really gorging myself on candy, that would mean I had a problem with food.  And I didn’t.  I was in a lot of denial all those years. 

But the shame and guilt were only making me eat more.  And eat in secret.  I became the queen of secret eating over the years.  I found ways to open a bag of Halloween candy on the seam that no one else could see.  No one knew the bag was open.  Therefore no one knew that I was eating all that candy.  And if no one knew then I could live in denial. 

In 2006 when I joined Weight Watchers for that 5th time, I wanted to lose the weight.  I joined in March.  Plenty of time to lose some pounds before the eating season would arrive.  That first Halloween on my 5th journey, old habits came back.  I wasn’t losing weight in October.  I couldn’t figure out why.  I was counting my points.  I was in my allowance.  I was tracking.  So why wasn’t I losing?  Could it be the non-tracked Halloween candy….the bags of Halloween candy I kept eating and replacing so no one would know?  And if I didn’t track it, well then it didn’t count.  Right?  That was my mindset.  But it did count.  And the scale showed what I was doing. 

The next Halloween, October 2007, I was determined to do it differently.  Because obviously, what I had done in the past didn’t work for me.  My leader had said in one meeting that “If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got.”  And that stuck with me.  Those words came back to me when I was faced with the dreaded Halloween Candy! 

So, I did something different.

I did not buy Halloween candy at the beginning of the month.  Something different.

When I did buy Halloween Candy in the middle of the month, I bought candy I did not like.  Something different.

I put the candy in a cupboard where I kept the holiday dishes, so that I would not see it every time I opened the pantry.  Why?  Because despite not liking the candy, it was still candy.  And it was the beginning of the eating season…. Something different. 

And then on Halloween as we handed out the candy, I chewed gum.  With gum in my mouth there was no temptation to pop in a piece of candy.  Something different.

Doing those different things got me different results.  And I lost weight that October. 

I am grateful for those Weight Watchers meetings, where I could learn to do something different.  I could gain the tools necessary to change my behaviors and my habits. 

Now, I would like to tell you that I never went back to old habits at Halloween, but I am human and I am not perfect.  There were a couple of Halloweens where I found myself sneaking that candy.  And when I did I caught myself and stopped before I ate too many bags.  Old habits can still sneak in even after the changes we make.  Old habits are my comfort zone and when life gets crazy, stressful, messy…that is when I want my comfort zone. 

But there is a difference now.  I can stop sooner.  I can recover sooner.  I have the tools I need in my back pocket to help me overcome the challenges.  It is not always pretty.  It is not always perfect. 

For the past few years my husband and I have made some changes to Halloween.  We no longer have kids at home.  And where we live in our neighborhood, there are very few trick or treaters.  So instead of having the candy in our house and having a ton left over (like we did 5 years ago on our first Halloween here) we go out.  We go to dinner and a movie.  It works for us.  It keeps me from falling back into old habits fueled by a tempting season. 

In Weight Watchers meetings we share our strategies for getting through Halloween. Here are just a few of the ones I have learned over the years—

  • –Buy candy you don’t like
  • –Wait until Halloween or the day before to buy the candy
  •  –Avoid the Halloween isle in the grocery store
  •  –chew gum while handing out candy
  •  –Hide candy after buying it
  •  –Do not hand out candy while hungry—eat first
  •  –Don’t go to the store and buy the sale candy the day after Halloween
  • –Look up the point values of candy BEFORE Halloween so if you have candy, you know the points.  Knowledge is power!
  •  –donate left over candy (dentists will collect candy)
  •  –send left over candy to work with a loved one—get it out of the house

What would you add to this list?  How do you deal with Halloween?  How do you deal with the candy?  What do you do differently that works for you? 

How are you preparing for Halloween and the kick-off of the “eating season”?

Excuses. Excuses. Excuses.

On By TerriIn About Me, Mindset, Uncategorized3 Comments

Excuses.  Excuses.  Excuses.

I can come up with hundreds.  But none of those excuses will help me to get where I want to be.  None of those excuses will help me to reach my goals. 

The only thing excuses do, is keep me from becoming the me I want to be, the me I strive to be.  Excuses keep me stuck, unable to reach the goals I set.  And excuses keep me beating up myself.

Every day I step on the scale.  Dread fills me as I look at the number.  I know what it is going to say.  When I started this blog last April I was 26 lbs over my goal.  Now I am 29 lbs over my goal. 

And that frustrates me!

And then I justify my weight with a myriad of excuses.  Excuses that keep me from reaching my potential.  Excuses that fill my mind with negative thoughts and words.

I am working on changing those thoughts.  I am working on ending the excuses. 

Today I get real.  With myself.  And with you.  No more hiding behind the mask of excuses.  No more lying to myself.  No more “I’ll start tomorrow”, because guess what—tomorrow never comes! 

No more excuses.

I am where I am because I have not made me a priority.  Period.  And there is no excuse for that.  How can I be the best me, if I don’t make myself a priority?  And that doesn’t mean that I become selfish in the sense that I never do anything for anyone and only do what I want for me. 

Making me a priority means–I face my emotions instead of eating them.  I find time in my day to move more.  I find the time to spend on self-care.  I make time to fix healthy meals.  I make time to meal plan.  I get a good night’s sleep.  I spend time with my family.  I make time for walks with my husband.  I make time for date nights.  I spend a day in my pjs watching movies if that is what I need.  I write. 

Making me a priority means letting go of the stress, anger, and other emotions that I allow to make me eat.  And it means letting go of the things I cannot control.

Making me a priority means living my life to the fullest.  And it means loving myself, imperfections and all. 

No excuses.

So, today I start, right now…not tomorrow, today!  And I start now 29 lbs over my goal weight.  No beating myself up over this, because that won’t help and will lead me right back down the excuse lane.  Instead I will celebrate that I am getting real with myself.  I will celebrate that I did not gain the entire 72lbs back.  I will celebrate that I am alive and can now work on what needs to be done.

Because, after-all, I am worth it! 

I know it won’t be perfect, but who needs perfect?  I just need to keep moving, keep learning and keep growing!